Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
