I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
