out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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