So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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