hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
