the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Randomize
