walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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