i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I smell like Dick and happiness
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
