im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
