The maid of honor just puked.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
