nut hugger
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
