i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
