I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
