What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
