omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
