i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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