I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
