Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
