oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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