I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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