he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
