dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
