i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
