Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
