i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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