He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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