I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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