Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
