There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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