you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
