so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
