You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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