weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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