there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
