nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
