Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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