I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
