I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
