I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
