u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
