First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
