is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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