i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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