If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You have to summon your inner elephant
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
