I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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