dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
