where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
