my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
