I need to stop coming to work sober
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
