i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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