So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
