i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
