Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
