I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
