The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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