Having a random hookup so left but love u
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
