"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
