So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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