No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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