I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
