sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Houston, we have a squirter
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
