Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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