On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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