the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
