to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
