Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
