Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
