alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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