I smell stomach acid.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
