saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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