Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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