i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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