return my video game
I hate your face
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Randomize
