whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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