i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
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Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize