i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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