i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
