I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
