Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
